So this is Shadow work: After years of playing in the space of “Law of Attraction” I could finally see the spiritual bypassing and toxic positivity that often came along with it. I saw that shadow work is the deeper healing that truly resets our vibrational energy field for manifestation. Diving in gives us the opportunity to heal more deeply. Here are some of my own recent personal examples:
I would do anything to get my father’s attention as a child and tried to be the “perfect” child. Perfect grades, perfect Catholic to the point of nearly becoming a nun, perfect helper for his business, etc. Then I married someone who did notice me and all the ways I wasn’t perfect. His abuse was his way of showing me all the ways I could be better. And now that expectation of abuse lived on inside of me. I could now see what I was doing. The why no longer eludes me, which means I can make a new choice when I feel triggered. It motivates me to fully love and accept myself, flaws and all, and know that I have a husband that does the same.
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OK there… it’s a fucking cord to my FIL. I had spoken to him on the phone over the holidays and he said something to me that irked me. Trying to be polite since I don’t talk to him but a few times a year, I just quickly moved the conversation along. But here it was, that suppressed anger rearing its ugly head.
Time to release. I recall what we were talking about… I was telling him about my business growth and success and my plans to expand in the new year (if I was telling this to my father he would have been ecstatic, so perhaps that’s why I thought I’d get the same response from my FIL). But instead the response was, “That sounds like a lot of work, you don’t need to do that. It’s ok to just accept what you’ve already done”. My brain was exploding! Whaaaaaat??? Why would I limit my passion and impact? This is me trusting the Divine. This is me showing up in my authentic self doing what I love. Why would anyone tell me to slow down and settle?
Now, in counseling, I was in a safe place to process, to release the suppressed energy and cut the fucking cord. And to transform that anger into motivation! Done, done, and done!
The shadow work piece in all of this was recognizing that the trigger was my response, not because of my FIL, and to see the situation from the Crown Chakra point of view to me running down my spiritual path. No slowing down for me!
I left the counseling session feeling motivated rather than leaving that anger stuffed under the surface. The following days have been magnetic to Divine downloads on all the next steps for my business. Had I not done the work to release, the ease and flow would not have been available to me. Now I get to step into my gratitude and appreciation for all the beauty in my life and the way it shows up.